How to Talk to Your Partner About Masturbation Without Awkwardness

Jason Lawrence
Aug 1
2 min read

Insight from a Person centred Counsellor

How to talk to your partner about masturbation without making it awkward - insights from a person centred counsellor, Jason Lawrence, Based in Dartford, Kent

Masturbation in relationships is often surrounded by silence, guilt, or misunderstanding. Many men keep it secret because they fear their partner will take it personally or see it as a rejection.

As a Person Centred Counsellor, I often remind men that

Open, honest conversations about sex and self-pleasure can strengthen your relationship — not damage it.

Here’s how to approach the conversation with confidence and care.

1. Understand Your Own Feelings First

Before starting a conversation, ask yourself:

Why do I masturbate? (Stress relief, habit, exploration?)
Do I feel guilty about it?
Do I want my partner to understand, accept, or join the conversation?

Understanding yourself first makes the conversation clearer and calmer.

2. Pick the Right Time and Place

Timing matters. Avoid bringing it up:

During an argument
Right after sex
In the middle of a busy or stressful moment

Instead, choose a calm, private space — maybe during a relaxed evening together or while on a walk. Safety and comfort make honesty easier.

3. Start With Reassurance

One of the biggest fears partners have is that masturbation means they’re not enough.

Start by making it clear:

“I love being intimate with you.”
“This isn’t about replacing you — it’s something I’ve done for stress relief and self-care.”

When your partner feels secure, they can listen without feeling attacked or inadequate.

4. Be Honest, but Keep It Simple

You don’t have to overshare or give a full diary of your habits.

Instead, focus on the emotional truth:

“Sometimes I use it to relax or release tension.”
“It’s not because I don’t want you — it’s just something I’ve always done.”

Humanistic counselling often focuses on authenticity without shame — sharing enough for connection, not for self-punishment.

5. Invite Their Thoughts

A conversation isn’t a confession — it’s a two-way dialogue.

You might say:

“How does hearing that make you feel?”
“Do you want to talk about what intimacy means for both of us?”

This helps turn potential awkwardness into closeness and understanding.

6. Consider Broader Intimacy

If masturbation has become a point of tension, explore ways to enhance intimacy together, such as:

Scheduling quality time
Exploring mutual sexual interests
Talking about fantasies in a light, playful way

This transforms the topic from secrecy into connection.

Final Thought: Openness Builds Trust

The biggest takeaway from a humanistic perspective is: Honesty without shame leads to understanding.

Masturbation is common and usually healthy. By talking about it openly, you remove secrecy, reduce guilt, and invite your partner to know the real you — which is the foundation of intimacy.